hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
