Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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