I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
