So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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