I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
