I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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