I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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