I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
