drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
