tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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