This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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