im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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