The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
