Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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