i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
