No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
