Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize