Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
