She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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