party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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