dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
should my penis look like a turkey
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
