Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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