Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
