I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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