Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
