Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
