thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
