What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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