Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
