My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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