he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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