then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
