I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
