im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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