Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
