and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
