She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize