i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
