he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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