what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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