He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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