20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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