she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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