I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
