All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We are all done wearing pants today
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
