So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
