Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
