we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
