remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize