found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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