I only kidnapped one of them. chill
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
