Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
