At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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