Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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