I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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