I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
