My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
