Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We have started to decorate penises.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
