Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize