i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
