Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize