Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize