Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm at about main and main street
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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