just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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