In the future we'll all be gay
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
tell me about the fingering
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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