3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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