Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
