I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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