I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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